Twelve, the new eleven.........
Er.. Sorry Mr Soderberg, but what was the story again?
Dear Mr Steven Sorderberg,
when I heard about your new film, Oceans Twelve, I was very excited. Nearly had a heart attack to say the least. It was because Oceans Eleven was such a beautifully constructed thief heist. It had a smooth and intricate plot, with luxurious scenes and a mind-blowing cast of whos who in Hollywood. And when i heard that twelve is the new eleven, i just couldnt stop salivating. Its just like purple being the new black this season. Whoa!
Yesterday, I trooped down to the theatres as fast as i could, jumping out of the way of your many detractors (ie the critics) and got myself a seat to watch your latest offering. I clapped my hands in glee and congratulated myself for getting seats. My mouth watered but i had my vanilla coke at hand to quench my thirst. The many silly ads including the rather interesting one of Jim Carrey in his new show, Lemony Snicketts Series of Unfortunate Events, all but whet my appetite. I was hungering for more. I just wanted to watch your bloody show!
Well, good things will finally come to those who wait, patiently or not.
The only thing i wanna say is, the hot dog was much better than your show.
I mean, whats with all the fancy artsy scenes? You know, i didnt even know what were you doing at first when you seem to show random cuts of people talking nonsense and Terry Benedict (the man they stole from) going up to them. And only later do i realise that those people were part of the Eleven. Ha. Sorry. But i think i had stardust in my eyes just then. Anyway, we had Wong Kar Wai moments where all we see are two very quiet human beings making awkward conversations. For a moment i thought Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones were Tony Leung and Maggie Chueng. And also the one sentence conversations people were having. And the silly scenes that flit from one lovely place to another with no apparent usage except to showcase the beautiful country.
Where did the slick robbery action go to? I was there to see you plan out a burglary that will make me go weak in my rusted knees. All i've got is some Haha, I tricked you into believing they were caught but in fact this was part of their big plan. They have already got everything sorted out, so Haha. Damn! If i wanted to see the something like that, i could have read an Agatha Christie book. I want to see the action and not be fooled. And the real heist was like so so lame that i nearly needed to go back to KKH for a review.
Congrats Mr Soderberg. You were so slick in your thievery that i didnt realise that my money was lost. You are lucky that the theatres dont offer refunds. Well, twelve isnt the new eleven, its a big fat zero.
