The Art of Plagiarism
CHIEF EDITOR: Nicholas Chow
FIELD REPORTER: Karen Tee
EYE-WITNESS: Zhenjin Lee
POST ENTRY: 5/4/2005 11:56:00 PM
Evidence Ever suffered the indignity of standing around helplessly while your granduncles, great granduncles and greater granduncles once, twice, thrice removed yak about your shoes right up to your face? It's one of those things you endure tactfully during Deepavali because you're obliged to your parents to behave like a well brought-up, mother-fearing young adult. Also, there's the 88 cent angpow that you've just received from the above mentioned old men and the slight sense of satisfaction you get from providing them with gossip fodder to occupy their otherwise bored minds.
So yes, I thought such stuff happens only once a year and only to relatives of sorts, and only in a semi-private location like somebody's house. But to my utmost mortification and immense discomfort, I found out that total strangers are absolutely capable of such a gross invasion of personal space too.
Yesterday, I was enjoying a plate of wonderfully tasty chicken rice at Boon Tong Kee at Thomson Rd. Chicken rice is something that has not wash up on the shores of Antartica yet (like most other things too)and as a result, I have been eating it every day since my return to make up for the eight months of chicken rice famine. Anyways, halfway through my meal, a frail wrinkled old man and his dog sat down at the next table for their teh-o and tasty chicken rice treat. While they ate, I realized the old man kept looking over to my table, which is rather rude but a
sadly common phenomenon. I do ocassionally indulge in it too, for a variety of reasons - yummy looking food, chio girls, funkilicious fashion style, whatever. Like any self-respecting person who is being quite unsubtly looked over, I bo hiued him and continued attacking my juicy chicken.
Then, just as I was getting ready to leave, the old man suddenly spoke out in a surprisingly loud, booming voice, " 你的皮肤很好。 你比金城武还帅。" Translated, it means "You've got great skin. You are more handsome than Takeshi Kaneshiro". Immediately, heads snapped up and turned towards us in interest. The statement in itself is extremely laughable for a variety of reasons, including the fact that in the half week that I've been home, the weather has already caused a major breakout on my forehead. But because he was an old man, I decided not to say anything apart from thank you as I went through the motions of packing up and leaving, thinking he would get the message and get back to his tea. Unfortunately luck was not on my side and he carried on, talking about how I looked like a Japanese boy and asking me for my name and age at the top of his voice. He must be some kind of pervert, i thought. By then, everybody in the shop was blatantly eavesdropping and staring at us, pointing and nodding their heads in agreement.
I was utterly petrified and rendered speechless by this talkatively opinionated old man who appeared oblivious to my inability to respond appropriately. I was suddenly exposed to the life that i had always dreamt of. In that short moment, i decided that privacy was more important than being a celebrity. I couldnt even take the many finger-pointing and conversations around me now, what more the million flashlights and crazed paparazzi.
I was extremely tempted to just bolt but blame it on my marvellous Asian upbringing - it seemed impolite to do that to an old man. It is undoubtedly nasty to have to endure such a public adulation, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from going on. I have learnt the hard way that denial will only spur them on to even more improbable exhortations. So I opted for the tried and true Deepavalian escape method of smiling uncomfortably and thanking him, all the while praying he would stop soon. By then, our spectators were almost gamed to ask me for pictures and autographs. I had to get out before it turned chaotic.
I told him I had to leave, and literally ran out of the shop. After a distance, i slowed to a shuffle thinking i was safe. To my horror, a hoard of customers had rushed out and were chasing behind. I panicked. I raced to the road and flagged for a taxi. Thank god cos somebody heard my prayer and a cab stopped immediately. I threw myself into the taxi and told him to move off. With hardly any time to spare, the cab sped off. Oncoming tentacles of my adoring fans nearly, just so nearly rip the handle off. The cab driver turned and took a long look. "Eh, 你不是金城武吗？哇！真帅。难怪这么多人追。", he said. I mumbled my thanks. I just did not have any strength for another argument. Sigh. Now I'm never going to be able to go back there for chicken rice because all the shop workers will remember me as the guy who was publicly embarassed by an old man and his dog. Not to mention a horrible fear of running into that mad man again and having to go through this all over again. As I said, it's bad enough to do this once a year.
For the record, I only appear to have nice skin because I'm fair (i just have great skin lah. sigh, i cant hide it anymore) and I have beautifully silky hair that accentuates my face. I also regard all these Takeshi Kaneshiro, Edison Chen and Shawn Yue (yeah it's happened before for obvious reasons) comparisons with horror. Takeshi is at least ten years older than me. Okay, it's great that people think he looks handsome but he is old, in my books. Couldnt the old man just have followed the others and compared me to Edison instead? It would have been justifiable. And while many strangers think I come from Japan, Sweden or Spain (I guess it's supposed to be a compliment), I'm Chinese, Singaporean Chinese to be exact. Which basically means that i look yan dao. Therefore, if anybody wants to compliment me for whatever reason, I enjoy comments on my shoes, bags, outfit, accessories, my style and/or how I do my hair, but not those on my skin, height and/or weight. Oh and insults are fine too as long as you don't mind a return insult. Ok I feel a whole lot better now that I've ranted. I might even be able to gather the courage to order another plate of yummy chicken rice later today at that Boon Tong Kee outlet. Wish me luck.
