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Monday, April 25, 2005

The Poll Centre

There we go. As expected, Samantha won the honour of the best loved SATC gal with a 45% vote. Charlotte and Carrie trails behind, both locked at 20%. And good try Miranda. I suppose your lesbian ways hurt people more than it should.

The Unfortunate Events of Kumon Workers

What can be a happier job than having super flexible hours, sitting in an air-conditioned room and teaching angelic little kids to read and count? Well, nothing much. Except for maybe, just maybe not having an overbearing and tyrannical boss circling above you and waiting to pounce on your every mistake.

Before i start, i have to apologise as i'm still seething with anger and thus may exaggerate events.

Today started bright and early. Things seemed well as I sipped my tea and caught up with a bit of Oprah. Going to nus to get my checkup done was a chore, but accompanied by Zhenjin and the surprised meeting with some friends there made it bearable. Deciding not to eat at the campus, we went to Jack's Place at Orchard. The food was great, but the toilet was not. And we came across this crack couple who antagonised a poor waitress. Damn. Bet no one wants to work at the IR now.

We were about late for work, so we decided to notify our boss. Hmmm... Lets just call her Ms I. Dont want her to be terrorised do we? Anyway, the good lady's name rhymes with urine. We reached kumon earlier than we expected and proceeded to do our work. She wasnt in then. When she arrived, we could sense her anger. A red aura surrounded her. I stood in awe. It was like something out of Dragon Ball. We continued with our marking, secretly hoping that nothing will happen. Nothing.

She walked out of her room steathily. A submarine zooming in on its target. Eerie silence ensued as we tried not to notice her presence, thinking foolishly that this will help. Well, it did help. She had to bellow our names out first before our eyes came into contact. Tongues of her fire singed (from singe) my hair.

"NO ONE GOES HOME UNTIL I SAY SO TONIGHT!" She barks. Damn it. A dog sounds nicer.

We looked at each other silently. Our minds screamed: Stupid shit! Im gonna miss Desperate Housewives! Okay. Perhaps it was just mine. But damn it anyway. To set the record straight, we finished the preparation part before the kids arrived with ample, and i mean as big as Mariah's, time to spare.

We worked tirelessly that night. We smiled, entertained and marked papers like never before. I felt somewhat like a whore. However, Ms I hovered around us, giving us disapproving stares whenever we dared to look at her. She even made everyone finish up all the papers for that night before anybody could leave. If she could have left and bolted us in, I in all sincerity, think that she would. We left at near ten that night. Cold winds chilled our aching bones as we stepped out into the moonlight. We left with heavy hearts that night, not knowing what the next working day will be like.

God Bless Us.

The Carrie Moment

Sitting in my plush chair in front of the luminous computer screen, I had time to rethink about the unfortunate events that had happened today. A boss whose nuts were screwed wrongly (sorry, but she didnt have no nuts) makes the lives of employees terribly unbearable. Are we suppose to actually take such unfair treatment just because the boss is having a menopause? And especially in the case of women. (Im sorry but im definitely not sexist. Im just direct.)

And thus the question comes to mind: Female Bosses. Emotional or Logical? Instinctive or Reactive?

The female population has been an oppressed group since the starting of time. From the beginning where Eve was just created from a bone of Adams', to the great dynasties of China where women were often treated at best as servants, till even now where honour killings are a norm in some Muslim countries. They place the female race, at best, a bit higher than the lifestock they rear. (at least can talk right)

Due to this, women have banded together. Like the famous example where one chopstick is easily broken, a bundle will withstand even the greatest strength, the female race stood together to be counted. Sisterhood was touted as the miracle drug, while sympathy and a dogged determination not to be trampled on ever again were the ingredients. The growing call to this peaceful protest allowed women to obtain better lives. However, some are emboldened by the movement and decide to push even further. Feminism and female elitism reared their ugly heads.

The problem is that due to this sudden surge of power, some females who are not ready for authoritative positions are just pushed into it. Not unlike Ms Urine. (in the Unfortunate Events of Kumon Workers) She, in all aspects, is a great mother. (im believing down here) She can function well in her tai-tai life, but being allowed to take charge is something wrong. Her experience at managing people is foetal and this is a big setback already. She has nothing to rely on when something does go wrong and thus will fall back on her most primitive instinct, being emotional. As shown by the example, she lets the displeasure get to her head and without any rhyme or reason, inflict what she perceives as a just punishment in her case. The Urine does not sit employees down to talk about the supposed injustice done towards her but allows the thought to run riot in her head and thus get emotional about it. To the sufferers, it is liken to sentencing without trial. Worse still, innocent bystanders get shot by the free-ranging bullets. (im so apologetic)

Many a time, we also read in papers of crazed attacks by women on their husband, their husband's property or anything related to their man. Reports tell stories, more often than not, of them biting off their man's private parts or sledging their way through his cars over beliefs that their hubby is out having affairs. An extramarital fling is obvously wrong. However, these women meted out punishment not because they saw the adulterous pair intertwined in comfy bed covers, but suspecting that it is happening. What if the poor sod is just trying to do business and earn for the family? What if he is framed by overzealous tale-tellers trying to spark new entertainment? What if it was just secretary week? The wives with their pentium 20 brains work their way through the worst scenarios and somehow, these get stuck in their minds, re-running and replaying endlessly. So much so that it becomes real and thus payback time is set. Emotional? Yes. Logical? Not when anger or revenge seeps through.

Lets now look at Ms Carly Fiorina, the ousted Hewlett Packard ceo. She was one of the most recognised and influential female players in the corporate world. Brought in to herald a new era for the ailing giants, she set about to cut losses and restructure the plodding technology giant. However, in buying out Compaq, it was deemed as more of an ego trip than a business deal. It seemed that logic was out of fashion for the most powerful woman. She proceeded on with the transaction amidst wild protests. Look where she is now. "While I regret the board and I have differences about how to execute HP's strategy, I respect their decision," said Ms Carly Fiorina. Damn it. Of course you will if have just gotten a severance pay worth a whopping US$21.1 million dollars after a meagre 6 months work. If freaking kumon so much as give me a $1000 retrenchment deal, i will gladly ship my aching ass somewhere else.

Last but not least, our home-making diva, Ms Martha Stewart. With endorsement deals, television series, magazines and a slew of books to her name, she became one of the richest woman in America. Of course, like any ordinary person trying to earn more than they should, they dabble in the volatile world of stocks. This high end gambling offers great odds and fast results. Results which may or may not be in your favour. Being thrust into limelight and power, whatever she touches becomes gold. The faux alchemist then decides to play god. Why should i lose money if my high post friends can bail me out of any losses. In this case, Peter Bacanovic from Merill Lynch aids her in her petty crime worth $50 000. Why did Martha do it? Someone rich and famous fearing a loss of $50 000? What can it get her? A trip to the Bahamas? A Frank Muller classic? A seat at the Oscars? It was more reaction than logical thought as she decided in an instant when Peter notified her of the inside news he had. "Oh no! Im gonna lose money?! *pause* Sell it! Sell! Sell!"

On the other hand, it is definitely unfair to blame a particular gender of character quirks. In this evolutionary age, people are androgynous. Males, females are no longer as different as they think they are. It is a continous variation brought about by the environment we are in now. Both genders now have parts of each others' perceived weaknesses and strengths. Males can be equally emotional and fashionable (like s.n.a.g.s and metrosexuals). Thus it is difficult to say that females cant lead as well as males.

In conclusion, i wont go as far as to certify that all females are definitely emotional and reactionary, but to some extent, most are. Some, like the Urine woman, need to have more sense. Well, if she needs some, my piggy bank welcomes her.

P.S. To chee wei: Call a bitch, a bitch. A bitch by another name does not smell as foul.

Lets be serious


Wrestle your own demons! Bastard!



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